I had been looking forward to this day for weeks – my niece was coming to visit. But my 9am, I had lost at wordle, stubbed my toe and was knee deep in trying to repair my ice maker. Losing at Wordle does not happen often to me, and I always have to gently remind myself that it is just a game.
As I prepared my iced tea for my morning dose of caffeine, my ice dispenser sounded funny. Sure enough, the ice tray was empty, the machine had stopped making ice. When this happened before, I fixed it by unplugging the refrigerator and plugging it back in. The plug was in its usual place, wedged behind a drawer, and it seemed a lot harder to reach this time. Had my arm gotten shorter? I was struggling for a while and I eventually got up to get my phone to provide some extra light. I had a session with a client coming up in a few minutes, and could not be late. I was feeling really frustrated. On the way back to my second attempt at the plug, I stubbed my toe on the drawer that I had removed to reach the plug. Finally, with 3 minutes to spare before my session, I got the fridge plugged in and all was well.
Often when our days start like this, we assume that this is the way the rest of the day will go. I took a deep breath and reminded myself that the day can still be enjoyable. I shook it off, and as the morning went on, my session went well and I was feeling good. I was getting hangry, I hadn’t eaten anything in anticipation of enjoying a nice lunch with family. Then I got a text from my niece, she had struck a pothole on the interstate in Baton Rouge (about 45 minutes away) and gotten a flat tire. Her husband was changing it, but they were delayed and would have to purchase a new tire when they arrived. Sigh. Something was trying to turn this day into a bad day for me and evidently my niece too.
As I was waiting for my niece to return safely, I was reminded of another time when things did not turn out as planned. Years ago, in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, I used to drive to her town where she evacuated (then stayed) to visit. It was a four-hour drive. But I love road trips. I would turn the music up and sing and enjoy every mile. On one of those trips, I was singing away, and suddenly I noticed the dreaded blue lights behind me. I had forgotten to slow down in one of those small towns that lowers the speed limits so they can fund their government by issuing speeding tickets. My happiness was dashed, I thought here I was having a great time, feeling such joy, and suddenly it was all taken away in a moment.
We may wonder why we should bother enjoying good moments when we know it won’t last. But I will argue, this is all the more reason to relish them. I hear from many people that they are afraid to enjoy their sparks of joy because they know that if something good is happening, it will be temporary, and something bad is just around the corner. I tell them that this is probably true. But don’t let it stop you from enjoying the “whee” moments while they are happening while we are on this roller coaster of life.
It is good to recognize that, just as those happy times may be temporary, bad times are temporary too. I’ve never heard anyone say “I’m in a sad time right now but I know it’s just temporary so I’m going to let my happiness interrupt it.” But really, if you let potential sadness interrupt your happiness, why not let potential happiness provide comfort in your sadness?
If you ever saw the movie Parenthood, with Steve Martin, there is a wonderful scene where his character comes to terms with his anxiety about life’s ups and downs by picturing himself on a roller coaster. In one moment, he was experiencing joy, then a chaotic moment happened. This time, instead of feeling anxious, he imagined himself riding on a roller coaster. This helped him to laugh at the situation. It’s a great metaphor of life, because life is a roller coaster. I’m not telling you not to feel sad when bad things happen, life has sadness, and we will experience it. But it seems like when we feel sadness, we see it as a permanent thing that will linger on forever, but when we feel happy, we tell ourselves that it’s just a flash in the pan until the next bad thing happens.
The 17th-century painting The Dance to the Music of Time by Nicolas Poussin shows figures moving through life’s seasons in an endless circle. It reminds me that time — and emotion — keeps flowing.
Maybe happiness isn’t the goal. No one is happy 100% of the time. But peace? Peace is something we can aim for in every season.
We can find peace in joy — by embracing it fully.
We can find peace in sadness — by letting ourselves feel it, but knowing it won’t last forever.
Happiness will come. Sadness will come.
This is the roller coaster of life. Ride it — and don’t forget to say “whee.”
